Tell Me ...

In defence of a piece of southern Indian slang


How often have you begun a telephone conversation and never ended up getting to the point, always wondering how to signal to the other person that you consider pleasantries complete or unnecessary, and that your wish to proceed to the business end of the conversation? "Let's get to the point", "cutting to the chase", "what can I do for you", and such phrases have an air of abruptness about them. "What can I do you for" is a lot more congenial, but works only with those with a certain degree of refinement.

And that, gentle readers, was why the intelligent residents of the South of India invented the phrase "Tell me". "Tell me" can be inserted anywhere in the middle of a conversation, and is instantly interpreted as a gentle polite signal to get down to business without the avoidable abruptness of the more correct turns of phrase. "Tell me", therefore, is sheer genius.

After having incorportated it into his vocabulary, rather reluctantly at first, the Mad Hatter is happy to report a 32% reduction in average conversation time over the phone, with 0% unsatisfied interlocutors. Your mileage may vary.

But I'm telling you sir, it's a 100% first class phrase only.

Unfinished Business in Ayodhya

Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.
- Epictetus

If there's one thing the whole of India seems to be scared of, it's Ayodhya, or what the courts are going to decide about it to be more specific.

Rather than a clash between Hindu and Muslim which it was, the Ayodhya issue is today also a clash between the new and the old Indias. In the Old India, your identity defined you, and you therefore had to defend your identity at all costs. Even if it meant hanging onto a symbol of medieval barbarism merely to annoy the "other". Even if it meant breaking the law and demolishing a disputed structure which you'd promised not to harm. In a world constrained for space, maximizing yours at the expense of the "other" was the norm. Who got that piece of land and got to build their place of worship was the issue.

In the emerging New India your identity is merely incidental. It is a label, signifying your roots, but one that does not bind you to ghosts and hurts long buried. When Azim Premji talks to N R Narayana Murthy, you can bet your last line of C code that Ayodhya hardly ever comes up. When Habil Khorakiwala meets Dr Pratap Reddy, one presumes they have a lot of other things to talk about. In a world which we are beginning to get the first tantalizing glimpses of, there's enough room for everyone. There are more important things to worry about than a piece of land with a chequered history.

So the real question about Ayodhya is not what the courts will decide, but will the new India prevail over the Old to take whatever verdict comes its way, and get a move on?

For the record, lets do what the Great Bong recommends, and build a mall there.

Minimum Viable Product

So, is your Minimum Viable Product as simple as a adwords powered landing page plus a buy link? Thought provoking concept. More here, including slides.

How would you extend this to hardware?

Veggie-Environmentalism and a whole load of, er, Statistics.

Thank you, George Monbiot, for returning to the realm of common sense on "environmental" veganism. If you, gentle reader, are a vegan or vegetarian for "environmental" reasons, may I point you to a post I made a couple of years ago?

CWG - Can We just Get it done with?

The Commonwealth Games in Delhi have exposed the greatest weaknesses of our countrymen.

Saina Nehwal, just what were you thinking? You spoke the truth, most definitely, but as a "Brand Ambassador", you are supposed to take money, appear in publicity material, looking suitably pretty (which if I may say so, you most definitely are, much more than that over-hyped tennis player whose name is an anagram of yours). If you read your contract carefully, I'm sure there's a clause somewhere that prevents you from having an opinion, let alone stating it. Get with the program girl, and take a few tips from Sachin Tendulkar on how to be boringly conformist in his public statements, if you want to make the kind of money our cricketers do.

Leave the truth to journalists.

Or maybe not.

Just what were you thinking, Suresh Kalmadiji? No, I don't mean looting the games budget, that's what you're expected to do being an neta in India, but not giving the Times Of India their fair share of the loot. Not done sir. All that outrage from the ToI and that Chetan Bhagat centrepiece could've been avoided. We can forgive a lot, but we find it difficult to forgive someone who gives Chetan Bhagat an excuse to sound reasonable.

Can we just get it done with? All that money is worth it, just to remind our jholawala friends exactly how efficient government machinery is. With all that hype about government spending in recent times, they were getting a bit out of hand. Don't we love silver linings?